Wednesday, April 11, 2012

DV8

The Action Mutant…
is Sofa King...beyond that. No, wait. He's not.


DV8


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Nelson Ricardo is Drake, a hitman living on an island trying escape his past. He falls for a mysterious island beauty named Maya (Eva Neide) and everything seems to be coming up aces for him...until his childhood friend Rizzo (Joe Marino) surfaces. "The Rizz" has a cache of stolen diamonds with him that he's willing to split with Drake, which brings cops, Jamaicans and a kill crazy hitlady named Lysette (Sandrine Le Gallic) all to Drake's neck of the jungle. Three days determines who ends up with the jewels...and who stays alive!

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
In the end credits of DV8, writer Xavier Barquet gives "No thanks" to the initial director of the film Chris Kas and lead Nelson Ricardo. The reasons behind this vote of no confidence are probably more interesting than anything on the screen for DV8's compact 75 minute run time. To be fair, DV8 is one of those middle-of-the-road, post-Pulp Fiction neo-Noirs that starts off with a decent premise. There's some odd (maybe pretentious) touches ("B.C. There/A.D. Miami") that introduce the characters & set up things nicely. Once our principles are known, they develop in mixed fashion as their past is usually brought about in quick flashback mode and doesn't raise them past archetype level. Ricardo is ok as the tortured soul/tough guy but its Le Gallic that has the presence to take the film with what little screen time she has. Her story is the least nurtured and would have been explored in more depth if the feature were any longer. What took me out of the flick was Marino's Rizzo, a cardboard cutout if you ever seen one. Somewhat resembling David Della Rocco's role in The Boondock Saints in tone, it is much like that role in the sense that you either find the character amusing or not. In "The Rizz's" case, his bravado & scenery chewing tend to grate on the nerves and unfortunately, he's probably the writer's favorite character. He shows up intermittently, stealing each scene he's in...and not in a good way. It doesn't help matters when things become more routine as the film moves along to its expectedly bloody conclusion. Despite that and being at a length that barely qualifies as a feature, DV8 moves at a crisp pace and is a quick (and, at times, pretty dirty) example of something genre fans should be very familiar with.

Body Count/Violence: 21. A good amount is done with the film's low funds as we get fights, explosions, bloody gunplay, stabbing, strangling, suffocation via plastic bag and more. The highlight is a torture scene involving a power drill and while not overly graphic, the insinuation puts it over the top on the carnage meter.

Sexuality/Nudity: Drake & Maya engage in the bedroom with some skin being shown there. Le Gallic's Lysette is shown nude in a bathtub with her chest fully visible and two strippers go topless in a club scene. Not up to the lofty standards of the "Erotic Thriller" genre but close.

Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong for a neo-Noir, with quite a few F-words.

How bad was it?:
If there were any reviews, I could tell ya but this is not exactly a widely seen release.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Spectrum Home Video released DV8 on VHS on 10/12/98. It is available on Amazon or you can just watch it here ---> http://www.freemoviescine.com/movies/62-administrator/video/390-DV8.html Just watch out for that sound synching. Yikes.

Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Chinese Hercules

The Action Mutant…
is waiting for "Chinese Hercules" to become someone's MMA nickname.


Chinese Hercules


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Yeh Fang stars as Lee Hsi, a man running from his past whilst working at a dock. He killed his girlfriend's (Fan Chaing) brother during an argument an has vowed never to raise his hands in anger again. Of course, this is bad timing for the dockworkers as Boss Chan (Liang Tin), the leader of the local crime syndicate, wants the dock closed down and isn't afraid to use sufficient force to get what he wants. With the large shadow of the syndicate and its hulking henchman Chiang Tai (Bolo Yeung) bearing down, Lee must garner to fortitude to fight for his fellow workers & stop the takeover.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Referring to Bolo's moniker while he was Hong Kong's bodybuilding champion, Chinese Hercules is a misnomer if you're looking for this to be the muscleman's movie. While he does steal the flick, it's only during the second half when he finally shows up. Bolo's snappy feats of strength & tough man lines ("We kill 'em...and we dump 'em!") are some welcome fun for a film that wasn't tearing it up until that point. There's quite a bit of exposition that drags things along and what you can hear of it is the dialogue that's not drowned out by the loud, melodramatic score (it also doesn't help that some of the dialogue is recorded very low). The bread and butter of the genre (the fight scenes, choreographed by Jackie Chan no less!) aren't that great until Bolo shows up, where he has many able but small challengers to work off of. From here, the battles get longer & better and Chinese Hercules ends on a high note, which is the least you can ask for from a so-so Fu flick.

Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Jackie Chan and Yuen Biao are unaccredited as extras. Damned if I could find them, though. Help?

Body Count/Violence: 11. The number would be much lower if it wasn't for Bolo f'ing people up once he surfaces. He supplies some broken limbs and necks during his beatings. Bolo's top moment has to be where he takes a cinderblock and tosses it, knocking a guy off a perch. There's other weapon use as well, such as sticks and barrels.

Sexuality/Nudity: There are two bedroom scenes but nothing is shown.

Language/Dialogue: Not much, just some light stuff.

How bad was it?:
The number of reviews for Chinese Hercules are limited but the one's I caught rate it positively, though nothing special.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Though no money figures are available for it, the film has had a storied release history. It premiered in Hong Kong in March of 1973, then in America (under the National General banner) on 1/2/74. It was also presented by Quentin Tarantino at the Los Angeles Grindhouse Festival on 3/14/07.

Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant

Thursday, March 29, 2012

To Kill With Intrigue

The Action Mutant…
presents "To Nudge With Meh".


To Kill With Intrigue


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan stars as Siao Lei, a man who scorns his pregnant girlfriend Chin Chin (Yu Ling-Lung) and asks her to leave. Before you mark him as a total douche, he only did so because his family was about to be slaughtered by a gang led by Ting Chan Yen (Hsu Feng) and wanted Chin Chin out of the way. Yen spares Lei, who flees into exile and is pursued by hired killers. In order to gain his girl back and have his revenge, Lei must go through strange channels to obtain it.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
This Lo wei/Jackie Chan collaboration would be another wholly forgettable one in a slate around this time period if not for a few reasons. Not all of them are positive mind you but they do ensure that To Kill With Intrigue isn't boring (unlike some of those aforementioned vehicles). For one thing, to call the plotting "convoluted" would be an insult to the word itself. We're not talking twists on an M. Night Shyamalan level here but there are too many needless ones in a Kung Fu flick that acts as part Martial Arts saga and part soap opera. The main one does reveal the primary villain but it takes more than a few steps to get to that point. The twists also bring about plot holes that could pose for an interesting party game in case you're watching with friends. Try reasoning why Lei tells his girlfriend off instead of just warning her of the eminent danger. Wonder as Lei goes on to befriend his attackers and why a certain one puts him through several tests instead of just helping him out right! Granted, this is a fictional tale but reasonable people normally don't take these steps (or leap through the air like a trampoline is always near by). Thankfully, everyone ditches the confusion about midway through and replaces it with some plentiful fight scenes (even if they require plenty of wire & trampoline work). They're not up to the quality Chan fans are used to these days but they are fun enough to make you forget that you had to watch some perplexing shit in order to get to them.

Body Count/Violence: 23. TKWI brings plenty of weapon use, including swords, knives, axes, staffs, spears, etc. Some stabbing and hand to hand combat bring about bloody results but nothing too excessive. Also, Jackie gets burnt on the face and has to swallow a hot coal instead of just walking over them.

Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.

Language/Dialogue: Not much at all, if any.

How bad was it?:
Most were on the fence on TKWI, leaning more toward the negative side of things. While critics say it had its merits, the muddled plot, cheap production and tacky fight scenes ultimately tanked any goodwill.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in South Korea, To Kill With Intrigue started its Hong Kong run on 7/22/77 and ended five days later. It was released to video in America under the Trans World Entertainment label in 1985.

Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

New Fist of Fury

The Action Mutant…
wonders if its revolution or is it Memorex?


New Fist of Fury


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Bruce...er, Jackie Chan is Ah Lung, a Chinese pickpocket that is amongst many Chinese living under Japanese rule. After standing up to Japanese Kung Fu school leader Okimura (Chan Sing) and being beaten for it, Lung is befriended by Mao Li Er (Nora Miao) and her family. Despite having stolen from her before, Lung is taken a shine to by Mao as someone that can possibly lead the resistance like her late brother (Bruce Lee in the original). When Okimura's gang causes Mao's grandfather Master Su (Yim Chung) to die of a heart attack (on his feet, no less!), Mao reopens his Kung Fu school to the dismay of Okimura. With the school not towing Okimura's line, the stage is set for a final battle to determine who's school rules. Yeah, its corny but I takes what is given to me.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Sequelitis is something that can be painful and forced, especially when all of the elements from before aren't in the right place. Bruce Lee was long gone when producer Lo Wei cast Jackie Chan is what was basically a retread of Lee's 1972 hit Fist of Fury (aka The Chinese Connection). The result is readily evident when seeing Chan on the screen, as he doesn't display the magma inhaling intensity that Lee was already known for. Chan gives it the old college try and for his part, doesn't out and out ape Bruce's every mannerism. But the few allusions to the original film are clumsily done at best and that's not even what sinks the film outright. You, the viewer, can thank the plotting and characterizations for that glowing distinction. What starts as a continuation of the prejudicial leanings from the first film are really swept aside for the old "save the Kung Fu school" angle and Wei and co writer Lei Pan take their sweet, sweetass time getting to the point. Whatever is mentioned as far as a fight for freedom and basic rights is done through lip service and that message doesn't really ring true, in turn. The villains aren't much better, basically all sporting pencil thin moustaches (one has a by gawd Hitler stache) and cackling about how much better they are than the Chinese. Their representation doesn't really go past that, which make for one dimensional caricatures at best. All of this leads to some decent fight scenes at the end but it can't escape the downer of a climax (which, if you seen the first film, you should know where things are going). At least you have the choice now of whether you want to waste two hours (yes, TWO HOURS!) of your life on this swill after reading this.

Body Count/Violence: 23. Along with the usual Kung Fu brawling, there stabbing, shooting and sword slashing. Some blood is involved with this but not as much as you'd think, which makes me shake my head over the R rating. Then again, most Martial Art film ratings cause me to do that!

Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.

Language/Dialogue: Very mild profanity. Gotta work in "bastard" a few times, though.

How bad was it?:
IMDB's rating is firmly pitted at 5.0 and the reviews out there seem to reflect that. While rightly admitting its nowhere near as good as its predecessor, most also say that its just good enough to qualify as something of merit. Now THAT'S a ringing endorsement!

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Lo Wei's New Fist of Fury first hit HK theaters on 7/8/76. No money figures are present, which is standard with Kung Fu sagas from this time. It was first released in America on video in 1985.

Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: **/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Shaolin Wooden Men

The Action Mutant…
battles the Pink Elephants in his dreams.

Shaolin Wooden Men


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan is Tommy (aka "Little Mute"), a mute student among the Shaolin temple wanting to gain revenge for his father's death when he was younger. He gradually learns Kung Fu from a jailed gang leader (Kam Kong) and leaves the Shaolin after beating the "wooden men" (an obstacle course of wooden "Rock 'em, Sock 'em Robots", kinda). Soon, the gang leader escapes his prison and Tommy soon realizes that it may not have been a good idea to entrust his learning to an incarcerated felon.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
This holier than thou entry in Jackie Chan's filmography is not without merit but is also largely unmemorable. Famed (or infamed? or inflamed?) producer Lo Wei casts Chan here as the silent, sullen hero and that plays to Chan's strengths as well as Chuck Norris having to sell pain. Granted, the Chan man does well with what he's given and he plays low key decently but just don't expect anything you will remember the next day. The flick's more dramatic and scaled down to start, with training sequences that are solid but don't really jump off the page. The second half picks up enough steam where its watchable but again nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it is bias kicking in but the fact that its Jackie Chan starring in a rather conventional period drama may turn some people off. The fights (though choreographed by Chan, Ming Chin and fellow "Third Brother" Yuen Biao) are good but not spectacular and are kept at the normal speed for the time. Simply put, fans of the genre get what is to be expected: a competent entry with a few fun fight scenes near the end. Total Chan fans may be in for a letdown so it's probably fair to call Shaolin Wooden Men somewhere near the middle.

Body Count/Violence: 18. Most are just beaten up real bad and declared dead but there are a few death blows thrown in to clear things up. The most notable death amongst the fighting is Jackie hurling a sword through a baddie's midsection.

Sexuality/Nudity: None.

Language/Dialogue: The occasional obscenity but on an irregular basis.

How bad was it?:
Most genre critics are split down the middle, saying its not the best of its kind but certainly nowhere near the worst. They say its not even close to Chan's best work but its accepted as a vital part of his film history.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Shaolin wooden Men was released in Hong Kong on 11/10/76 and stayed in theaters for a week. It got its first American video release in 1987 and is available under several video companies. Its original source print was lost so video distributors only have to go by a video copy for transfer so view at your own risk.

Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

The Fearless Hyena

The Action Mutant…
Rasha Naba Doe-ah Gola Wookiee Nipple Pinchy!


The Fearless Hyena


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan stars as Shing Lung, a mischievous sort who lives with his grandfather (James Tien) in the Chinese mainland. Shing gains a rep hustling fighters out of their wares for a group of thugs, which gains the attention of The Master (Kun Li) and his gang. When The Master kills Shing's grandfather to settle an old grudge, Shing must master fighting techniques from an old man named The Unicorn (Hui Lou Chen) to gain his revenge...Hyena style!

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If the above sounded any bit familiar to you, you've already seen Drunken Master or any one of hundreds of Kung Fu flicks over the years. Randy pupil, taciturn father figure, evil bastard with equally evil cohorts, drunken teacher, etc. Of course, more than a few of those have involved Jackie Chan in some way and in some way, they seem fresher when he's in control. Coming off the heels of said DM, this was Chan's first directorial effort and he lets it all hang out in this one. The trademark fights (with such implements as work benches, chopsticks and fake boobs...you'll see), broad humor and childish mugging are all prevalent...even more so with this being his first time in the chair (as well as the awful dubbing; I swore Jackie was dubbed by Stan Laurel when I first heard him). Chan throws everything into the stew and most of it does taste great. There are plenty of ideas that work (the training sequences are just beastly, for example) and some that don't (Jackie's disguises elicit a few chuckles but not out and out hilarity). It's not the controlled frenzy that later Chan efforts would become but its an entertaining curio in in the man's filmography that should be seen by his most fervent fans.

Body Count/Violence: 10. As with most JC favorites, its about the intricacy of the fight as opposed to being death happy. The death takes place by some sword slashing, weapon use and occasionally bloody purple nurpling.

Sexuality/Nudity: Umm...there's that scene where Jackie's in drag but I don't think you're supposed to be turned on by that. Right?

Language/Dialogue: Some mild profanity, including my ever long Kung Fu favorite, "bastard"!

How bad was it?:
Most critics looked at it in a favorable light though it was readily admitted that the film seemed like a slight reworking of Drunken Master more than an original work.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Finally able to helm a film on his own (whilst ending his contract with producer Lo wei), Chan's Fearless Hyena opened in Hong Kong on 2/17/79. It had a three week run at the cinemas and was considered a success in Chan's ever burgeoning career. It had its theatrical run in the West in 1979 and is now on DVD through various video companies. Be careful which transfer you purchase though, as they differ in quality.

Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Danger Zone (1987)

The Action Mutant…
is not sure if he needs a "wingman" for this one.


The Danger Zone (1987)


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
A sextet of big haired singers known as The Skirts (one played by Suzanne Tara of TAM cult favorite Deadly Prey) get an invitation to head out to Las Vegas and be a part of a TV talent competition. Along the way, their car breaks down in the desert and they stumble onto a dusty ghost town. The former prospecting site has already been claimed by a biker gang led by the demented Reaper (Robert Canada) and the ladies are infringing on their daily lives, including interrupting whippings handed out for insolence & drug deals executed via model plane (!). The Skirts must rely on themselves, and old prospector named Moss (Michael Wayne) and undercover cop Wade Olson (Jason Williams) to get out of...THE DANGER ZONE!...er, this mess. The Danger Zone is said mess.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
From the "I swear this was an A.I.P. release" file comes The Danger Zone, a trash opus in the fine tradition of "biker" cinema. It's fine for a rainy day afternoon (when I first caught it) though you might need some of the mind altering substances the bikers are on to truly enjoy it. Its all meant to be campy fun, with the women having hair teased to the nines & very few ideas and the bikers being slimy beyond reproach. From the gang guiding the ladies through a rattlesnake filled pit to threatening them with all kinds of abuse, this has all the trappings of its low budget genre roots. However, there are more than a few lulls in what little story there is and the budgetary woes stifle it from taking full advantage. The acting is only slightly better, with Canada getting every little bit of juice out of the role of Reaper. Coming off like Lance Henriksen's understudy in Stone Cold, Canada spits & snarls out his lines and seems to relish being the heavy. He's really the only engaging character here as none of the ladies really stand out from the pack and the lot of the bikers are all stereotypical dregs. Unfortunately, TDZ is too boring to sustain for the most part and has far too few intermittent shows of trashy fun to keep one awake to the end.

Body Count/Violence: 6. Aside from a few brawls and someone being lit on fire (in a sleeping bag...now, that's inconsiderate!), not a lot goes on action wise until the last twenty minutes or so. We get the requisite (bloodless) shootout as well as motorcycle rundown and a snake attack! One of the gals sprays hairspray at a snake. Man, snakes get a lot of play in this one.

Sexuality/Nudity: There's a scene where the gals come upon a stream, which allows them to strip to their underwear and frolic about. This is all shot in glorious slow-mo, which means the director should get a Nobel Prize for being the smartest person alive or something. One of the biker girls flashes her tits and one of the heroines has her shirt ripped open. Seriously though, that stream scene will make some 13 year old boy's day.

Language/Dialogue: A few F words and other surly biker talk (is biker talk anything other than "surly").

How bad was it?:
Not many reviews are out there about The Danger Zone but what little fan feedback there is on IMDB is mixed at best. You either accept it as exploitive fun or not.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in and around Las Vegas, The Danger Zone was released straight to VHS by Charter Entertainment on 10/26/88. Obviously, the low production values helped as three sequels were made afterwards with Williams reprising his role and the epically named Robert Random taking the reigns of Reaper.

Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Blade of Fury

The Action Mutant…
something, something, tuberculosis.


Blade of Fury


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Fan Yeung stars as Wong Wu, a famed swordsman who led an attempt to gain freedom against Imperial rule. He helps government official Tan Szu-Tung (Tung Li of A Better Tomorrow) & his disciple Nine Catties (Cynthia Khan) out during a bandit raid and they become fast friends. They go on to form a martial arts school in the hopes of fixing the Imperial rule from the inside. A series of events & betrayals lead to one final battle to keep the revolution alive.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
There's a lot going for Sammo Hung's effort Blade of Fury, as well as a lot going on in it. Like many of the swoop of costume dramas in Hong Kong at that time, it's well made with sweeping sets and very strong action pieces. The opening battle, bandit raid and final showdown are sequences as exciting as you will find in any fight laden period drama. This should come as no surprise to anyone, as Hung (who also has a cameo as an Imperial guard) is a given for creating epic fight scenes that seem to defy description and logic (in some cases). Though sometimes noticeable and maybe a tad overused, the wire work is well done and still keeps with the artful feel of the proceedings. The principal characters, especially Li, give commendable performances though they may be hard to point out due to the English translation. To say its awkward & subpar at best would be putting it very mildly, which leads to confusion in the storytelling where there shouldn't be. It also doesn't help that there are about half a dozen subplots that take place in the film's midsection before it comes back to the main point. That, and a lack of action during that middle portion (aside from some top notch fight scenes during a tournament setup) may take some out of what was set to be important and that's the story. Though one doesn't flock to a Sammo Hung flick for the drama, that's what's mainly pushed here and all of the elements working against that makes this a near epic misfire. By all means, stay for the action and the grand intentions of the film; just don't expect legendary results.

Body Count/Violence: 92! When you see a character leap up and slice five heads off in one fell swoop within the first ten minutes, you know there are some sterling expectations to be met. And damn if Uncle Sammo doesn't deliver! Since swords lead this symphony of destruction, there are people slashed, stabbed, beheaded, sliced in half and even split in two! Loads of fighting with various weapons as well as explosions, dart throwing and a horse crashing through a sod wall! Trust me, all of the exclamations are needed.

Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.

Language/Dialogue: A few mild obscenities but nothing notable.

How bad was it?:
The critics admit that while this was a nice change of pace for Hung, it may have also been too ambitious. One critic also pointed out that the fight scenes may have been too crazy for such a realistic drama.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Blade of Fury debuted in Hong Kong on 7/15/93. Despite the work behind and in front of the camera, the film bombed upon release and only lasted a week in HK theaters. It is also notable for capsizing the career of infamous producer Lo Wei.

Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Along Comes a Tiger

The Action Mutant…
washes his hands after every disemboweling.


Along Comes a Tiger


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Don Wong Tao stars as "Miracle Man", a mute drifter that has gained quite the rep amongst the townspeople. He has set out to kill Black Dragon (Tommy Lee), the leader of the Black Dragon Society who hung his father from a tree in his youth. Along the journey, he fights through West's army of fan brandishing casino owners and bodyguards with a government aide (Stephen Tung Wai) & annoying kid (Gei Gwong-Lung) tailing his every move.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though no where near the operatic & grand scale of its inspiration (Tao, who also produced, made this as a homage to Leone's Once Upon a Time in the West), Along Came a Tiger is a cut above the usual norm of the genre. The winks to Leone's Western saga are sometimes obvious (the first scene, "Miracle" never saying a word, his "sacred weapon", etc.) but they only add to the film's flavor as the film is a unique work on its own. The characters propel the story as opposed to the action and that starts with Tao in the lead. Despite staying mute for the majority of the time, he conveys the right emotions and has an eclectic horde of enemies to play off of & get his kicks on. These baddies have quirks running from Madam South's (Doris Lung Chun-Erh) army armed with feathery fans (that conceal deadly, sharp surprises) to Master West (Philip Ko Fei) washing his hands after every kill. These aren't played for an "over the top" effect and add to the sometimes weird vibe, much like they would in a Leone piece. Tiger's costuming and set pieces are also a plus, as they are very elaborate for what could be a ho-hum Kung-Fu entry. Of course, people line up for the combat and ACaT shows up for it with a great deal fine choreography that's also above par. On the negative side, the stuff with the kid could have been excised greatly, as it really serves no purpose to the story. An aside scene of Miracle training the kid to fight is pointless as the kid never gets to use it and is easily captured to set up the final showdown (which really didn't need much setting up...I mean, Dragon killed his father...what else is needed? a dead friend? oh wait, they do THAT, too!). The ending is also a little murky for what should have been something straightforward. They seemed to be shooting for something poetic but it was lost somewhere in the final shots. Nevertheless, Along Comes a Tiger is a fun, well told ode to two genres that are more linked together than one may realize. Enjoy this little seen tale that approaches near classic status.

Body Count/Violence: 22. The deaths are actually among the least satisfying things here. Most are just beaten until they don't continue and someone has to come along and clue everyone in on whether they are dead or not (more than once, too!). There are nunchukau attacks, flying knives, sword slashes, stabbing and throat ripping for the more definitive sect.

Sexuality/Nudity: None.

Language/Dialogue: As drunken Alex Trebek would say, "Sonofabitch!"

How bad was it?:
The few reviews written for this hail it as something with superb fighting scenes and well formed characters. If theres anything negative, it seems to be minor qualms (the kid, supposed camp factor, etc.).

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Wang's Film Production & Distribution released Along Comes a Tiger in 1977. No money figures are known for it. You can watch it (along with many other flicks) at freemoviescinema.com.

Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Monday, March 19, 2012

The Flying Guillotine

The Action Mutant…
doesn't give a flying...guillotine.


The Flying Guillotine


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Kuan Tai Chen stars as Ma Teng, a soldier in Emperor Yung Cheng's (Yang Chiang) army. The Emperor has commissioned for a new weapon to be made: a flying helmet attached to a chain that can take off a person's head from a hundred yards! Once the implement is made, Cheng has those he considers to be traitors (i.e. everyone) assassinated with it at his whim. All of this causes Ma Teng to desert the Emperor and live out his life with street performer Yu Ping (Wu Chi Liu) and start a family. This further pisses off Cheng, who sends out those from his fighting force to capture him...head optional.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Finality. This is what I believe intrigues one to watch something like The Flying Guillotine. Ok, so its probably seeing a cool ass weapon rarely seen in cinema. I mean, this thing had to be the iPhone of its time (and who said ol' TAM couldn't make a topical reference in 2012, eh?)! Actually, the weapon itself is largely a fabrication because those that saw it in action didn't live to tell about it! In any respect, those expecting all kinds of gore, guts & mayhem from TFG maybe be disappointed for the most part. Sure, its there but writer Kuang Ni adds in stuff like a story and characters with reasoning first. Hell, it takes about 25 minutes for the apparatus to catch its first victim! But seeing the development and training behind the implement of destruction makes it all the worth while when it is finally brought about. The subplot involving Ma Teng & Yu Ping is kinda rushed along, like it would be in an American film, where they meet and five minutes later, they have a kid and are living on a farm. However, their relationship does provide an emotional center to the film and doesn't make it something about revenge or reclaiming one's honor for once. Protecting one's self and their family is something everyone can get behind and its a crowd pleaser once the enemy tastes the business end of the flying helmet of doom. The process of seeing the guillotine in action does look cheap (dig day changing to night, man!) but you had to figure there would be some camp in this candy and it does make for some admittedly hilarious demises. Whereas the later Master of the Flying Guillotine is more well known and may be the "cooler" choice, this one is the entry that solidified it and made that one possible. It's not perfect (the fighting isn't all that great or memorable and some time could have been shaved off in determining what we already knew: the Emperor is a paranoid douche) but all of the classical elements are there for a fun "Good v. Evil" encounter and establishing a grand tradition; the tradition of losing one's head to an oversized beekeeper's helmet, surrounded by razors. Good times.

Body Count/Violence: 25 (plus a dog and a chicken). Nearly 3/4 of the departed are done in by the titular weapon, which occasionally leaves gory aftereffects (bloody stumps, limbs quivering, etc.). Others are slashed with swords or hit with the outward guillotine blades.

Sexuality/Nudity: A brief tit shot near the beginning and that's the end of that.

Language/Dialogue: Nothing really, other than "Goddamn".

How bad was it?:
Though little seen, The Flying Guillotine does have a fair, if not spectacular track record with critics of the genre. Though looked at favorably for the most part, most say that the formula was improved upon in the later Guillotine sagas.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Produced by Shaw Brothers, The Flying Guillotine was released in Hong Kong on 2/18/75. No box office or budget figures are known but it did produce a sequel (Palace Carnage in 1978) and the more well known Jimmy Wang Yu vehicle Master of the Flying Guillotine in 1976. TFG was released in America in 1981 by World Northal, a steady purveyor of B-Movies for much of the 1980s.

Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Iron Man (1973)

The Action Mutant…
has a few prosthetics...that he doesn't care to mention.


The Iron Man (1973)


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Jimmy Wang Yu (Master of the Flying Guillotine) is Chin, a man out for revenge (cue ominous music). When he was little, a treacherous Japanese crime lord named Fang Woo (Lung Fei) murdered his parents and sliced off his hand with a sword. Armed with a wooden hand, Chin the "Iron Man" goes on to kill all of Feng's associates while trying to stop Feng and an arranged marriage set up by a drunken former landowner who needs to pay off his gambling debts.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though set in modern times (well, the 70s at that time), The Iron Man (or Tough Guy, as I viewed it as) is a variation on the same revenge tome put forth by Asian film companies around this time. Nothing new is really put forth from this one, even down to Wang Yu's handicap as he made a name for himself with The One Armed Swordsman films. It also doesn't help that the dubbing is worse than usual, with the sound being a second or two off from the action. This leads to the usual unintentional hilarity that comes about with these pics but nothing more that is interesting. The fights are passable and get better as the film goes along but that (and a bit more nudity than usual) may not be enough to recommend a viewing here, as it seems long even at 87 minutes. As you can tell, there was barely enough to get a review here so that should tell you something.

Body Count/Violence: 15. For a guy with lots of revenging to do, the Iron Man kicks and chops people around mostly. The occasional death blow (punch to heart, twitch, die, repeat) is administered, along with shooting, stabbing, slicing and poison dart blowing.

Sexuality/Nudity: A few topless posters decorate a mobster's office. A few sexual scenes with some bare breasts flashed and underwear clad beauties are in there as well.

Language/Dialogue: Would it be a Kung Fu film without the word "bastard" in it?

How bad was it?:
Here's the damn thing about it: there are none! Notta one I could find. Guess you either take my word for it or waste 87 minutes like I did.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Produced by Ronghua Film Company and Lee Ming Film Company and released in Hong Kong on 5/23/73, there are no money figures for The Iron Man. You can catch it on freemoviescinema.com here:
http://www.freemoviescine.com/movies/62-administrator/video/456-Tough+Guy+%281974%29.html

Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: **1/2/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Code Name Zebra

The Action Mutant…
's code name is "Art Vandelay".


Code Name Zebra


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Glenn Wilder plays a scarred Vietnam vet that heads a group of former soldiers on a different type of mission. They concoct heists of the local mob by disguising themselves as African Americans and escaping elaborate situations, all the while knowing they won't be questioned. Naturally, the Mafioso blame the black drug dealers and the crooked Sgt. Stangman (Stafford Morgan) amongst them so an all out gang war breaks out while the Zebra gang gears up for one last job.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Interesting gimmick aside (Racist.Clever...cute, but racist), Code Name Zebra plays out as your standard 70s crime thriller that's low on frills and even lower on budget. Granted, the filmmakers make the most of their budget with some nice action pieces and ostentatious slow motion shots. A veteran stuntman, Wilder does fine in the lead, complete with charred face makeup & voice box device (which makes him sound like pro wrestling legend Harley Race). The makeup in question may be the most believable on him, as suspending the disbelief of the others being black is absurd at best (watch for the scene where one guy literally has the black beaten from him). The "white as black" angle (get it? Zebra! Huzzah!) doesn't take away from the fact that the story is the standard mix of double crosses, car chases and wooden dialogue. The Zebra gang can't really be called the "heroes" of the story either, if you need a hero that is. They just rip off one unwitting side and pit them against the other, which makes for a rather mechanical and unfulfilling premise. The only thing that saves the flick from being totally routine is the twist ending. I don't know if it really made sense or what but it does qualify as the most memorable thing in Code Name Zebra.

Body Count/Violence: 49. For a late 70s actioner, CNZ is fairly kill happy. Lots of gunplay results in the majority of corpses with occasional blood splatter. Stabbing, beating, electrocution, car crashing and impaling are also on the menu. This flick also reminds you to NEVER turn down a shoe shine.

Sexuality/Nudity: None.

Language/Dialogue: A few mild expletives but nothing memorably potent.

How bad was it?:
It's a mess trying to find a solid review for this, as its usually confused with a 1987 low budget action thriller named Code Name: Zebra. Reviews & comments for that film are peppered throughout this CNZ's page and vice versa, so be forewarned if you want to do some reading. The few lines I read about this film cited it as just being routine and not taking advantage of the main concept.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in late 1974 in Los Angeles by Pac West Cinema Group, Code Name Zebra didn't see the light of day until 1976. Released by Entertainment International Pictures, CNZ doesn't have any budget or box office figures to its name. You can watch it for free on public domain sites, as Amazon sells copies of the 1987 film for the most part.

Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Zombieland

The Action Mutant…
always makes sure to double tap.


Zombieland


review by Joe Burrows


The Plot, as it was:
Jessie Eisenberg (The Social Network) is Columbus (the main characters are billed after their hometowns), a chronically phobic nerd amongst the landscape of "Zombieland". A strain of Mad Cow Disease has turned the majority of people into mindless flesh eaters and Columbus (complete with rules of survival at his disposal) is one of the lucky ones. By chance, he meets Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a slightly crazed traveler who loves his zombie killin' as much as Twinkies. They are soon befriended (then conned, befriended, then conned again) by Wichita (Emma Stone) & Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), a sister team that hustles rubes from one point to the next. Along the way, they kill zombies, meet a comedy icon...and kill more zombies. It all ends at an amusement park, by the way.

Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Out of all the heavy elements a movie can have, plot is not one for Zombieland. Then again, a plot might take away from what makes it so fun. This flick is nothing more than pure, escapist fun and knows it. Hell, I know people that don't go for "zombie" pics and love this one. A lot of the film gets by on the strength of the two leads and their rapport with their female counterparts. Eisenberg (what? was Michael Cera busy? I kid, really) can play this neurotic wallflower part in his sleep and Harrelson's crazy man act is in full tilt mode here. Stone & Breslin account themselves well for what could usually be thankless roles and they can attribute that to characterization. This was once a TV pilot script that was reworked into a feature film and you get the sense that all of these people were meant to be "introduced" like in a pilot so the result is more fully fleshed out characters you can root for. The other pilot elements are scattershot (the "Zombie Kill of the Week" being the most obvious) and the celebrity cameo in the middle portion (other reviews have spoiled it by now but I stay steadfast in not revealing), while providing the biggest laughs of the film, also acts as the plateau. Things become more predictable afterwards and the story fails to regain the momentum it once had. The film is also a bit uneven in the sense that the comedic elements tend to outweigh the "zombie" elements at some points, which leads to the genre purist's argument of whether this a "real" Z movie or not. If you can take some of the film's pretensions (Columbus' rules appearing on the screen at various times), you will see plentiful gore as well as a genuine streak of laughter & gleeful carnage. It's no Night of the Living Dead but if cinema has taught us anything, it's that you don't always have to reinvent the wheel to get to the fireworks fact...er, amusement park.

Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- John C. Reilly (Step Brothers, State of Grace) went uncredited as the "Bathroom Zombie".
- Screenwriter Mike White (The School of Rock, Nacho Libre) is the victim in said bathroom (wow, that sounds bad without context).

Body Count/Violence: 109! Despite its goofiness, Zombieland does not skimp on the gore factor. Most of the mindless extras are blasted by shotgun fire or other automatic weaponry. When he's not gunning them down, Tallahassee does in the rest by unconventional means (baseball bat, banjo, hedge clippers, etc.). There are a few other surprises but something that isn't surprising is the zombie flesh munching & mauling, to which there is quite a bit.

Sexuality/Nudity: A topless zombie stripper (with pasties) is shown during the opening credits.

Language/Dialogue: A few F-words, other obscenities and Tallahassee crowing about wanting his "G D Twinkies!"

How bad was it?:
Rotten Tomatoes has it at 90% so its fair to say that most critics enjoyed it for the good time it was meant to be. The few negative reviews either weren't down with the genre or couldn't help but compare it to its predecessors in some way.

Did it make the studio’s day?:
At a budget of $24 million, Sony/Columbia Pictures released Zombieland on 10/2/09 to an opening weekend gross of $24.7 million. It's top spot was overtaken the next week and it steadily dropped out of the top 10 by the end of the month. The film finished with a final number of $75.6 million in America, plus another $26.8 million overseas (total = $102.4 million). All of those totals ensure a sequel, which is in development at the moment.

Film: ***1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****

Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.